Last week I heard an astonishing (slash amazing slash wonderful) message about ensuring that your life is filled with healthy relationships. By the way, I heard this message at Hillsong Church and can I tell you, I heard a lot of astonishing (slash amazing slash wonderful) messages in the past but this one had definitely made a mark. I’ll do my best not to bore you, and by the end of this entry my hope is that something inside of you will get stirred up, and you too will be blessed.
[fast forward a bit]
So in summary (I told you I wasn’t gonna bore you)…
All the people who you are in relationship with (whether they be your friend, family, enemy, ex-BF/GF, terror prof, or your I-know-your-face-but-not-your-name neighbor) can be classified into the following types:
1. VIP (Very Important People) – They are the ones who you love unconditionally, and who love you back in the same, if not better, way. I won’t need to define this further, just think of your mom, dad, wife, or husband and you’ll know what I’m talking about. They inspire us, encourage us, challenge us, annoy us, and sometimes hurt us; but in the end our love for them never seems to diminish.
2. VRP (Very Resourceful People) – They are your mentors in life. It seems everything that they do/did is admirable and you constantly find ways to emulate their acts. They set your passions ablaze and encourage the best out of you. I had a teacher in Kindergarten (yes I still remember, her name was Ms. Malinao) who, at my then young age, set my standard of kindness. I still remember her defending me from bullies (or so I imagined, I never was the highly confident kid). She taught me the value of kindness and standing up for the oppressed (or against kids who snatch your kero-kero-keropi eraser because they think you’re too cool). I lost contact with her, but here’s hoping that our paths will cross again.
3. VTP (Very Trainable People) – They are the people who find you as their mentor. You don’t necessarily teach them Algebra, sometimes they just look up to you for your courage, patience, sense of humor, cooking skills, or good looks (I’m not insinuating anything). Day by day we invest something into their lives (sometimes unknowingly) – they could be good or bad, thus this requires conscious awareness of their needs. In due time, they will possibly become our successor or trusted partner.
4. VNP (Very Nice People) – they watch from afar, possibly admiring you, enjoying your passion and adventurous undertakings, but does not contribute to them. Unlike VTP’s, they incessantly consume with no view of contributing anything in the long haul. You don’t want them to stay in this category – move them higher in the list by encouraging them with a constant outburst of enthusiasm.
5. VDP (Very Draining People) – In the interest of keeping the theme of this post positive, I don’t intend to elaborate on this last category. To cut it short, they drain you, sometimes discourage you, and even at times actively refuse your attempt at inspiring or encouraging them. The key here is not to move away from them, but to move them away from this category into any of the first three.
I’m sure you can easily think of one or two people who fit into each category. And my hope is that by now, you already know that in order for you to keep your relationships healthy, you need to minimize the last two categories from your life. I’m not talking about ditching them, I’m saying encourage them to become any one of the “Healthree” (this is a clever term that I’ve invented, thank you very much) – VRP, VIP, and VTP.
Now with as much importance, in order to call your relationships healthy, you need to ensure that the Healthree are well represented in your life. Here’s what happens if any one is lacking:
What if we have no VIP?
The world suddenly becomes a dull, lifeless classroom; an endless cycle of learning and teaching that eventually turns us into robots. Because we have no one to live for.
What if we have no VRP?
We laugh, love, but fail to fulfill our potential. Because to do so we need to grow continually – a process that is impossible without someone to inspire, teach, and encourage us along.
What if we have no VTP?
Life seems pleasant for a moment, but you soon realize that all those pleasantries are short-lived. Because we fail to teach, inspire and encourage people who look up to us, they won’t ever get the chance to keep our values, virtues, and skills alive. Ever heard of the saying “you learn twice as much when you teach?” Go figure what else you could be missing.
So now I hope the message is clear – your Healthree define how healthy your relationships are.
As a final note, I dare say that this message had personally challenged my norms and got me thinking (and listing) who to put under each category. I wish the same happens to you too. Think about who these people are, then invest time on them, enjoy life with them, laugh with them, and, most importantly, love them to the fullest. Because only when we have all of them fully represented in our lives do we truly live life to its maximum and see our relationships flourish like never before!
He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.